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my teenager won't go to school

my teenager won´t go to school           reply
20/11/2012 08:43 - Teenage Issues (Locality: Dublin South)
morning, i´m new here, so hope i am on the right board.

out of desperation this morning i was looking for info on how to encourage my son to go to school

my teen is just refusing to go to school

he is a clever lad, but over the last few months he is just refusing to go to school.

i have tried everything with him
talking, taking his phone, freedom, laptop etc
this morning i told him he is grounded indefinitely until he gets his act together.

i am seeing a councilor over the stress he is causing.
i would be so grateful for any advice/info to help get my son back on the right track.

re : my teenager won´t go to school           reply
22/11/2012 20:35 - Teenage Issues
It certainly is a very stressful issue for a parent. My big question is, why will he suddenly not go to school? If there was never a problem before, I would really suspect that something is wrong. Is there a possibility that he was being bullied? Very often teens refuse to tell incase things get worse. But school refusal is serious stuff.
I would suggest that you tell him that you both need to have a talk, and ask him to pick the time. Then say that you´re extremely concerned about him missing school and you take it very seriously, and you really need to understand it from his perspective. 1.Ask him to tell you all the reasons he won´t go. And LISTEN totally to all he has to say; don´t interrupt or contradict, just listen fully. Let him know that you are ready to fully listen and hear him. Once you´ve heard his full side of the story, 2.see if together you can brainstorm some solutions. Again, let him come up with ideas, even if they seem crazy to you (eg studying at home, apprenticeship, getting a job, etc). Write down all the ideas you can generate, and only then begin to eliminate some and prioritise others. 3.Try to agree a plan together, and set another date to it.
In the meantime, arrange to meet with the school - his year head, the principal, a home-school liaison officer... see if you can get his homework and let him know that he can´t just sit around at home but needs to either study or earn his keep. But first of all be open to finding out whats really going on, as he may have a lot on his mind and it might be that he is stressed,upset and worried himself. He may need to see a therapist too.
Good luck!
from Mother Hen (

re : my teenager won´t go to school           reply
04/09/2019 09:19 - Teenage Issues
My friend had the same situation. His son didn´t want to go to school. So then my friend told his son that he transferred him to home schooling - after a month of such training, the son returned to school

re : my teenager won´t go to school           reply
23/12/2020 12:15 - Teenage Issues
Maybe the reason why he does not want to go to school because something bad happened. Maybe he is bullied or ridiculed in some way. It is better to talk with him calmy rather taking his gadgets away. Have a one on one talk and observe his body language. Make sure that he looks into your eyes and is telling the truth.

re : my teenager won´t go to school           reply
31/12/2020 14:17 - Teenage Issues
When my eldest son had problems at school, he refused to go there, too. I talked to the teachers, I talked to him. Punishment won´t work, he will probably just get angrier and won´t open up to you again. Be careful.

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