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isolated and bullied by friends

re : isolated and bullied by friends           reply
20/01/2011 21:07 - Bullying
HI I was bullied as a student in school. I am now a Mediator and I offer peer mediation to students like your daughter and her peers. What this means is all the students sit down with a trained professional i.e. me and we discuss matters in a respectful environment with a view to getting to the bottom of the problem. Your daughter and her classmates need to learn to get along and mediation can really help. PM me if you require more details about my services. I wish you well and hope it can be sorted out.

re : isolated and bullied by friends           reply
15/11/2010 11:34 - Bullying
How very upsetting for you all! Starting secondary is daunting enough without this added pressure.
I think that you did the right thing by going to the school. I know that your daughter is saying she wishes that you hadn´t but by raising it in the school, you called a halt to something that could have gone on and on. When children start secondary school, it is not unusual for them to form completely new groups of friends and break away from their primary school pals so it may be that she will do this. It could work out well. The other item to remember is the way girls of that age love a bit of drama and this whole thing about your daughter will be forgotten when the next bit of drama arises. It may just sort itself out over time.
So, what can you do to help your daughter to get through this? Well firstly, try to stop worrying and try not to let her see that you are worrying about it. This will make her worry and will also continue to give the incident ´focus´. The less focus it gets, the less it will be on your daughter´s mind so try to let it pass. Make sure that you maintain good communication with your daughter so that you will know if the problem is getting worse or if she is having any further problems at school. Try to build some one to one with your daughter into each day. Don´t make it obvious - this will send her running! Try to have a casual chat each day maybe in the car on the way to/from school, over a cup of tea in the evening etc. Chat away, don´t interrogate - just chat about things in general and you will be able to pick up on how she is getting on. Look at the article on this site about reflective listening which will help (see Try also to encourage her as much as possible and help to build up her self esteem. Notice things that she is good at and/or does well and praise her. Don´t overdo it! Girls of that age are very good at seeing through us so be careful that you are sincere and genuine in the praise. Again, see the link above for advice on building her self esteem and confidence.
Keep in contact with the school to ensure that they are also watching out to make sure that she is not being bullied or isolated at school. They need to get involved in helping with this problem.
I hope this information is helpful to you. As I mentioned earlier, try not to let your daughter see how worried you are as this may cause her more stress or worse still, cause her feel that she can´t tell you if things get worse. This could all blow over in a few weeks and work out fine.
Best of luck, let us know how she gets on.

isolated and bullied by friends           reply
10/11/2010 23:26 - Bullying
at wits end! my daughter of 12 has been gradually isolated and ditched by her friends over the last 7 wks over something silly she said and didnt mean about an accent of one of their mums, this got back and since these 2 girls have told everyone else and they have all sided with these girls, some of these friends sh has know since 5, my daughter has apoligised over and over but these girls are relentless and eventually it got on facebook where she was being name called, threats of beating her and being told one of her closest friends now hates her, there were 147 comments and up to 15 girls and 1 boy involved, most of them we dont know and dont even know our husband and i went straight to the school where she has just started 1st yr with print outs of the facebook pages, two girls were called and spoken to about code of behavior, i also went to 4 mums i knew but honestly felt only one mum who felt actual sympathy for what was happening, the other mums just were going to punish their daughters for their part but not one of them were either shocked or embaressed by the lenths this went to. My daughter is terrified and wished we hadnt went down, some of these girls apoligised but she feels none of her friends will want to be her friend now because she told and feels like a baby, of course we tell her it will work out and she will find knew friends eventually but how do we get her through this, shes on her own most days and is trying to make knew friends but its difficult enough just to get through 1st yr no mind sayin with no friends, my husband and i have banned facebook for her protection but are heartbroken for her, some of the people involved and their parents should be ashamed of themselves and i can see where their kids get it if the parents are so heartless.Just how do you get a young beautiful kind girl through this for the next few months?? gratefull for any imput, thankyou

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