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Help - My 2.5 yrold

re : Help - My 2.5 yrold           reply
26/05/2014 09:34 - Behaviour / Discipline
Definitely agree with Mother hen. Reinforce good behaviour with lots of praise and try your best to ignore the bad behaviour. He will see quickly that good behaviour is what catches your attention. Maybe try removing your little girl from the situation when he is pestering her instead of putting the attention on him? Best of luck hopefully just a phase he is going through trying to "be boss".

Help - My 2.5 yrold           reply
22/05/2014 09:35 - Behaviour / Discipline
HI all. I have a 2.5yr old boy who is loving and affectionate and such a lovely little boy. HOwever for the past 6 wks he is slapping and pushing his sister whenever he gets the chance. She is 4 and could win an oscar for the dramatics during this time. It means i´m listeing to sreaming from her each time. I put him out in the naughty corner and he stays there but could come back and do it again after a few minutes. I´m expecting baby 3 soon and am so wrecked from this every day after work. My childminder is giving out every day too that he is doing it there to my daughter. I cried this morning before i even left for work as it is really exhausting. Any advice is welcome.

re : Help - My 2.5 yrold           reply
26/05/2014 07:30 - Behaviour / Discipline
What is the intention of the behaviour?
It is to get attention - unfortunately the wrong kind of attention. Punishment is counterproductive and time out just makes things worse.
The more positive attention you give, the less negative attention he will seek, so carve out some 1:1 time for him as most behaviour is prompted by a feeling.
Take the focus off the behaviour, and put your focus on having a good relationship with him. If the only way they can get our attention is by slapping and pushing his sister, then we need see how quickly we respond to that and recognise what he needs.
All behaviour has a reason and is prompted by a feeling. When we respond with punishments, it becomes a negative cycle and the child simply feel I am bad, bad, bad (and let me show you just how bad I can be). Instead, Catch Him Being Good for every little thing, even if this means in the short term, ignoring negative behaviour.
We do this as All Behaviour Re inforces, so the more you notice what he is doing right, the more right he will do. Simply gently drop his hand down and see ´Sisters are for loving, not for shoving´. instead , stay close by, use distraction, and re direct his behaviour earlier, use humour and do not take sides (as this will only make him feel worse/less loved etc). He will love being praised and you will see him blossom with positive attention and 1:1 time.
Parent should be Kind, Firm but not Cross - Say Stop, No Pushing - put the other child out of reach
Acknowledge the feeling - ´Do you feel left out?´
´When you feel that, you can come to me and I will make time for you, but I cannot allow you to hurt your sister´;
All behaviour makes sense: we need look for the metaphor of his behaviour - in what way might he feel pushed (out?) or when you hit - in what was maybe does he feel hit?
What is the feeling? Maybe he feel´s felt out. Then punishment just makes that feeling worse. What happens when he hits? He gets attention.
Therefore, give attention earlier, before he uses his behaviour to demand it as being good maybe went unnoticed.
Now, does his behaviour make more sense?
How might you respond in a way that would meet his unmet need for more attention (positive). The more you give that, the less he will need his negative behaviour.
When they deserve your love the least, the actually need it the most.
The No 1 response to difficult behaviour is Compassion

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