Stopping bullying before it starts!

There is a great deal that we as parents can do to lessen the likelihood of our teenager being bullied. Confident young people are more likely to stand up for themselves if they are bullied. Building confidence will help your children feel good about themselves and can promote the development of skills to deal with difficult situations Confidence grows when a child is praised regularly. Remember an ounce of praise is worth a ton of criticism.

It is important to be patient with your children and praise them generously for achievements in different areas of their lives. Parents, who communicate with their children on an ongoing basis, will find that they are more likely to discuss difficulties as they arise. There are a few basics that you can put in place, such as ensuring that your son or daughter has basic information on the facts of life so that they do not find themselves ill-prepared for the normal changes of puberty. Appropriate social behaviour should be taught, e.g. good table manners and personal hygiene.

Self-image and physical appearance are very important in adolescence. Teenagers often don’t want to appear different from the group and generally want to have the ‘in look’ which is popular at the time. This may mean that you come under unreasonable pressure to buy expensive brand name clothes and shoes. Without succumbing to this pressure, it should still be possible to allow your child a choice within the budget you can afford.

Very shy teenagers

A more withdrawn child may need to choose one friendly student to approach first. Children sometimes believe that the established friendships around them are fixed, and closed off to new members, when in reality this may not be the case.

Encourage your child to speak clearly and in a relaxed way about subjects which interest them. Discourage mumbling or speaking so quietly that they are constantly being asked to repeat themselves. It may be helpful to practise reading aloud from a book or newspaper, and record the voice. Habits which should be discouraged include: interrupting, being noisy or shrill, showing off, being a know-all, and not listening to others.

Let them know that it is good to have friends in more than one area of their lives, for instance in their neighbourhood, and in hobby or sports groups, so that if things go wrong in one area, they will have other friends. Hobbies or interest groups, music lessons, dance classes, swimming clubs, self-defence or other one-to-one activities, can pave the way for involvement in wider group activities such as team sports, parties or discos. For quieter children, fan club membership or having a pen-pal, provides an opportunity for one-to-one communication.

Assertiveness

Most bullying begins with some form of verbal comment or aggression, usually name-calling or jeering. A number of techniques can be used either alone or together, which can help a young person deal with difficulties. Practising the following strategies will help young people to use them convincingly. As a parent however, you should be realistic about what your child is capable of doing in a bullying situation. Try to develop confidence by selecting a technique that is manageable and suitable to their capabilities and personality. Emphasise also, that if they find these techniques are not working for them, they should seek additional help from a parent or teacher.