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Help - Unsettled 5 Yr old and Difficulty with Childminder

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18/09/2013 18:03 - Ask Mother Hen
Hi there,
I am a childminder myself and a mother. All children get upset starting school it is a huge deal for them. How ever it seems to me that something has happened in your childminders to make your child uncomfortable. Are there any other signs like nightmares or acting out? your childrens safety and happiness is paramount and you should be able to rest easy in the knowladge that they are well cared for while you´re working.

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17/09/2013 14:41 - Ask Mother Hen
Glad I could help hun. Hope you get all sorted soon and I´m sure your old CM will understand. If she wasn´t able to accommodate your school runs she may very well be looking for a way out without offending you too.
I couldn´t agree more about a Mother being as qualified as anyone with diploma´s and degrees! Just so long as she is of the same mind as you regarding discipline etc. I had a lady minding my 2 for a while and she was very tough on them. It just made DS more defiant and difficult to deal with.
I am by no means a soft touch but I do think that children have to be treated in a compassionate way. I was brought up in the children should be seen and not heard era and I don´t parent my kids that way. I´m probably a bit of a soft touch now that I think of it lol! :)
Best of luck with everything and just remember that you need to do what´s best for you and your children and so long as you are open and honest about your reasons for changing your childcare then I´m sure it will all go smoothly. I know for me, I liked when people were truthful if the situation wasn´t working out. (((HUGS)))

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17/09/2013 09:25 - Ask Mother Hen
Thank you both for your replies.
To be honest I have mentioed it in passing to the CM about 3 weeks ago about the upset and how my child is getting on with her children when I´m not there and she said that there are no problems. To be honest though they were both recently at a birthday party and I could see her eldest wasnt happy at the party simply becuase they the one in control. I worry that my child is being basically walked on even though she has a very strong character, she is small for her age too which is constantly mentioned and I think this is as a result of comments from the CM´s child, children can be cruel without even realising it can´t they.
I have spoken to someone I know who is interested in taking on my children, the next big questions are how much I should be paying on a daily basis now and how do I break it to my current CM without upsetting her. She has been absolutely fantastic and I am very fond of her but as you said my gut is telling me its time to go.
On a positive note my DD has decided that she wants her nanny to being her to school now and is quite happy with this arrangement and there were no tears today. To be completely honest I think my stress over everything is also getting to her and me stressing about getting to work on time may not have been helping the situation either as she was being left in the school yard with the other kids. God parenting doesnt get any easier does it.
Thanks again for your replies.

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17/09/2013 08:43 - Ask Mother Hen
Hi There - I have to agree with Cof - I think you need to find another minder. i worked as a Childminder myself for years and I had the most adorable little boy for about a year. But then he and my daughter started clashing and the little boy would cry his little eyes out when he was being left here and when collected but he was perfectly fine during the day. Looking back on it I think I doted on the little boy too much - I had just miscarried a little boy a couple of months before he started with me. So my DD was obviously feeling left out. In the end his mother just came to collect him one Friday evening and said they wouldn´t be coming back because he was obviously not happy here. I cried for a week after he left! So I think you should sit down and discuss all of your concerns with your CM before making a decision to allow her a chance to try to settle your son. You will know by her reaction if she is interested enough to do so and if not move on. Hope that helps and I hope you feel better soon - my DS is in Junior Infants too and finding it hard to settle in - it breaks my heart but I have to make him go.

Help - Unsettled 5 Yr old and Difficulty with Childminder           reply
16/09/2013 11:56 - Ask Mother Hen
HI there,
I am just looking for some advice or comments. Maybe I already know what I should be doing and just need someone to tell me.
I have 2 children ages 5 & 3, the older has just started school and was great for the first week, week 2 however has proved to be very stressful with my child crying repeatedly every morning going into school, once I have left she settles no problem and is doing well and definately likes school so far. I know this is something that will probably sort itself out but its causing me stress as a working mother.
Anyway thats not my major issue, about 6 weeks ago my oldest suddenly becamse quite upset going to my childminders, I have had the same minder for 3 years and have had no issues, since then every morning there has been tears ( part time minder) again once 5-10 minutes have passed i´m told everything is fine. I am asked by my 5 yr old every day where are they going today to Nannys ( who looks after them the rest of them time ) or to the minders. I´m now getting "I dont like the minder or I dont want to go" If I mention her name or her childrens name anytime at hone its met with resistance no matter what is in connection with.
I am at my wits end, I know there seems to be a bit of a personality clash between the minders children 3&7 and my 5 yr old. She has recently told me that she also cannot collect my daughter from school as its leaving it too tight to collect her 7 yr old from another school which is now causing more stress for me.
I´m just owndering what to do, I have been so so happy with her and really dread having to leave but am I ust putting off the obvious? Should I go with my instinct and look for another minder and possibly unsettle my children even further?
Any advice would be great, sorry for being so long winded.

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18/09/2013 07:02 - Ask Mother Hen
Well have a good chat with her before making any decisions. Maybe write down a few questions you have so that you won´t forget - she won´t mind. I once had a couple call to me and give me a full blown interview and then the Dad wanted to know if I had security camera´s on the premises (this was in my home lol!) Obviouly I didn´t take their kids!
Let me know how it goes. X

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16/09/2013 20:53 - Ask Mother Hen
Hi motherhen,
I noticed your message and I understand you´re probably feeling reluctant to make more changes for your child when they´ve just started school but it sounds to me like your gut is telling you something´s not right. If your child´s objection to go to the childminders had started at the same time as starting school you might put it down to clinginess connected to school but it started well before that. Also, the fact that the childminder isn´t trying their best to accommodate your child´s collection from school would raise alarm bells for me about how much they´re invested in your child at this very important time in their lives. I think its great that you are listening to the messages your child seems to be giving you about it. Good luck with it.

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17/09/2013 11:31 - Ask Mother Hen
Thanks Fairyqueen,
I am absolutely blesses that my mum is nearby, she is getting older and is exhausted by the time I get back to the children but she absolutely idolises them and its fair to say they are the same wih her. I couldnt afford full time childcare if it wasn´t for her I would be absolutely lost.
The girl I have in mind has 4 of her own children all in school bar one and she is a similar age to my youngest so would be a bit of company, at the moment she doesnt have any other children on the days that I need. She´s no formal qualifications other than being a mammy, in my opinion you cant really get better than that and I do know this lady a long long time too.
I totally agree with you as well, it must be very hard for a CM not to show favouritism over her child and one she is minding and there is bound to be jealously over attention too. Again though I have to stress that she has been so brilliant I will be devastated telling her.
I will use your rates as guidelines as they are whats been mentioed to my by the councils committee also. Thanks again!

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17/09/2013 10:03 - Ask Mother Hen
Hey - I think that you are right so. Having worked as a CM I could see that as my kids got older they resented my time being taken up by other children so I´ve given up for now until they are older and I have to say they are much happier.
Have a chat with this other lady and see how many other children she minds - does she have kids of her own?
Would you consider an Au Pair? That would take a lot of stress of your shoulders. Your so lucky your mother helps out - mine lives too far away and she probably wouldn´t anyway - she said she´s reared her family and we were not to ask for help with our kids! Nice eh?!
Try not to worry too much - things always work out in the end. I´m sure you will find the right minder for your kids. Ask for a daily rate rather than an hourly one if you are gone for the full day. I would have charged €50 for 2 kids per day but if one was on school for half of it then it would probably have been €45. I know prices differ depending on where you are in the country. Check with your local childcare committee - they should have a list of registered childminders in your area. HTH ;)

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17/09/2013 15:43 - Ask Mother Hen
Thanks so much fairyqueen.
I better get cracking and get something sorted. The only thing I am unsure of is how this new lady will be discipline wise, one of the many things I need to talk to her about I suppose. Ah the joys.
Thanks again

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